Because I've demonstrated just how awesomely consistent I am with blogging here (cough, cough), I decided to add another blog to my responsibilities.
Because, multi-tasking is my middle name.
Not much of interest yet, but keep checking.
http://thepracticehousesethswife.blogspot.com/
Friday, May 25, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Being a Parent
It seems like Attachment Parenting is in the news a lot lately, thanks to a magazine cover designed to create negative attention and make AP moms look nutty. Yesterday, I read an interview with a celebrity who labels herself and AP, and reading through the comments, I was kinda surprised by the negativity and harsh response people have about it.
If you don't know what Attachment Parenting is, it's basically just a mindset of childrearing that advocates extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, and things like that. Dr. Sears made it famous, but it's been around since ancient times.
I wouldn't call myself fully AP, but I was doing things that fit in with this mindset before I knew it was a thing. A lot of aspects of AP changed my life in a positive way.
However, I did NOT set out to be an AP parent. In fact, before Thing One was born, I was full of this holier than thou idea that a lot of the mean comments in that article embodied. I thought children like these were spoiled, the parents were emotionally needy, and there was no way I'd be as soft as that. My kids would sleep in their own beds. They'd nurse when I told them to. My schedule, my decisions, my way.
What a naive arse I was.
It's easy to have parenting convictions before you have children. But be prepared to find out you had no clue what you were talking about.
Enter Thing One. He cried. A lot. He nursed. A lot. And he ended up in our bed. A lot.
And for the longest time, I felt guilty about "giving in" to my baby's demands. But then, when he was about six months old, I was at a baby shower for a friend, and people were sharing tidbits of advice for the new mom. A sweet older woman who didn't have any children spoke up that she always thought that if a baby was crying, you should pick it up. In my mind I scoffed "easy for her to say" and "that's a good way to get a spoiled brat".
But then later, in the middle of the night, when I was in my second hour of trying to get Thing One to "cry it out" and go to sleep, I had a bit of a mind change. Suddenly I wondered why IS it such a bad thing to hold and comfort a crying baby? Can I really spoil my son by holding him and nursing him? Will being physically attached to him more really ruin him? Why does an infant need independence?
So I went to his room. I picked him up, wrapped him in my arms, took him to bed with me and nursed him. His crying stopped, his breathing calmed, he slept. Really slept. And so did I.
In the morning, I decided that there was nothing wrong with my baby needing me. And that I was going to stop this "Me versus him" mentality. He was my child, not an enemy.
Thing One has always been the child that needed me most. When Thing Two came along, I tried to be AP with him, and he didn't go for it as much. He preferred his own bed, he nursed pretty much the normal way and he didn't cry a lot. I still held him all the time (and got super big muscles because of it) but I had to change my methods a bit to accommodate this new family member. Same with Homegirl.
So here's my thinking about parenting methods. They all have their merits, and they can all end up being useless crap. Being focused on following a certain method rigidly probably won't work, because (newsflash) each child will be different. You'll probably have at least one hard one and one easy one. And one is not better than the other, just different. They require the same love and sacrifice, just manifested in different ways.
AP did do some good things for me. It got me to question my motives. It pushed me to swallow my pride and do what was important for my family and not just what I wanted. It made me a little more warm hearted toward others, to get over my irritation (for the most part) with being touched constantly by little ones. I still like my personal space, but sometimes, I gotta put that aside and be the kind of mom my Things need, instead of being who I naturally am.
Which, if you get right down to it, is what parenting is all about. Sacrificing you to help them.
I don't feel guilty anymore when I co-sleep or nurse on demand. I'm comfortable in my choices. And I don't feel the need to defend myself or denigrate those who practice different methods. Being a good parent is about finding what works in YOUR house and being adaptable. Ignore the haters and don't be one to someone else. And don't fall for media sensationalism.
Just play nice.
If you don't know what Attachment Parenting is, it's basically just a mindset of childrearing that advocates extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, and things like that. Dr. Sears made it famous, but it's been around since ancient times.
I wouldn't call myself fully AP, but I was doing things that fit in with this mindset before I knew it was a thing. A lot of aspects of AP changed my life in a positive way.
However, I did NOT set out to be an AP parent. In fact, before Thing One was born, I was full of this holier than thou idea that a lot of the mean comments in that article embodied. I thought children like these were spoiled, the parents were emotionally needy, and there was no way I'd be as soft as that. My kids would sleep in their own beds. They'd nurse when I told them to. My schedule, my decisions, my way.
What a naive arse I was.
It's easy to have parenting convictions before you have children. But be prepared to find out you had no clue what you were talking about.
Enter Thing One. He cried. A lot. He nursed. A lot. And he ended up in our bed. A lot.
And for the longest time, I felt guilty about "giving in" to my baby's demands. But then, when he was about six months old, I was at a baby shower for a friend, and people were sharing tidbits of advice for the new mom. A sweet older woman who didn't have any children spoke up that she always thought that if a baby was crying, you should pick it up. In my mind I scoffed "easy for her to say" and "that's a good way to get a spoiled brat".
But then later, in the middle of the night, when I was in my second hour of trying to get Thing One to "cry it out" and go to sleep, I had a bit of a mind change. Suddenly I wondered why IS it such a bad thing to hold and comfort a crying baby? Can I really spoil my son by holding him and nursing him? Will being physically attached to him more really ruin him? Why does an infant need independence?
So I went to his room. I picked him up, wrapped him in my arms, took him to bed with me and nursed him. His crying stopped, his breathing calmed, he slept. Really slept. And so did I.
In the morning, I decided that there was nothing wrong with my baby needing me. And that I was going to stop this "Me versus him" mentality. He was my child, not an enemy.
Thing One has always been the child that needed me most. When Thing Two came along, I tried to be AP with him, and he didn't go for it as much. He preferred his own bed, he nursed pretty much the normal way and he didn't cry a lot. I still held him all the time (and got super big muscles because of it) but I had to change my methods a bit to accommodate this new family member. Same with Homegirl.
So here's my thinking about parenting methods. They all have their merits, and they can all end up being useless crap. Being focused on following a certain method rigidly probably won't work, because (newsflash) each child will be different. You'll probably have at least one hard one and one easy one. And one is not better than the other, just different. They require the same love and sacrifice, just manifested in different ways.
AP did do some good things for me. It got me to question my motives. It pushed me to swallow my pride and do what was important for my family and not just what I wanted. It made me a little more warm hearted toward others, to get over my irritation (for the most part) with being touched constantly by little ones. I still like my personal space, but sometimes, I gotta put that aside and be the kind of mom my Things need, instead of being who I naturally am.
Which, if you get right down to it, is what parenting is all about. Sacrificing you to help them.
I don't feel guilty anymore when I co-sleep or nurse on demand. I'm comfortable in my choices. And I don't feel the need to defend myself or denigrate those who practice different methods. Being a good parent is about finding what works in YOUR house and being adaptable. Ignore the haters and don't be one to someone else. And don't fall for media sensationalism.
Just play nice.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
P.S.
The last post was both difficult and a relief to write. It's been on my heart for a long time, but words weren't flowing eloquently about it until I decided to face it head on.
This whole forgiving the perpetrator thing is still not something I've mastered. But I'm glad to be able to say I'm working on it. I'm not just conveniently ignoring it anymore. I'm not accepting the party line of feeling like I don't have to like this person. That resentment is justified.
God's ways are not our ways. And He's calling me beyond "good enough" forgiveness to Christlike forgiveness.
I have a very sweet and wise friend who related to me that when she was struggling with forgiveness for an individual, it helped her immensely to memorize verses to remind herself of what God wanted from her. I've used this technique in lots of areas of my life (and it totally works), so I was like UM, DUH Sethswife. Why hadn't I done that yet? Probably because I wasn't ready yet to let go of feeling like a victim.
So I did a search on this site, which is very helpful in finding topical verses. I didn't just want to find "enemy" verses, because it's already easy for me to see this person as a villain and not a sibling in Christ. I found some that were familiar and some that truly surprised me, that I had never thought to apply to my situation but were exactly what I needed to hear. God's Word is perfect!
So to those who are struggling with me, here are the verses I'm hanging up around my house to memorize.
John 13:34 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another just as I have loved you."
Proverbs 19:11 "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense."
Luke 7:36 "One of the Pharisees asked to eat with him (Jesus), and he went to the Pharisee's house and took his place at the table."
Proverbs 24:17 "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles."
Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you."
Luke 23:34 "And Jesus sad 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
This whole forgiving the perpetrator thing is still not something I've mastered. But I'm glad to be able to say I'm working on it. I'm not just conveniently ignoring it anymore. I'm not accepting the party line of feeling like I don't have to like this person. That resentment is justified.
God's ways are not our ways. And He's calling me beyond "good enough" forgiveness to Christlike forgiveness.
I have a very sweet and wise friend who related to me that when she was struggling with forgiveness for an individual, it helped her immensely to memorize verses to remind herself of what God wanted from her. I've used this technique in lots of areas of my life (and it totally works), so I was like UM, DUH Sethswife. Why hadn't I done that yet? Probably because I wasn't ready yet to let go of feeling like a victim.
So I did a search on this site, which is very helpful in finding topical verses. I didn't just want to find "enemy" verses, because it's already easy for me to see this person as a villain and not a sibling in Christ. I found some that were familiar and some that truly surprised me, that I had never thought to apply to my situation but were exactly what I needed to hear. God's Word is perfect!
So to those who are struggling with me, here are the verses I'm hanging up around my house to memorize.
John 13:34 "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another just as I have loved you."
Proverbs 19:11 "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense."
Luke 7:36 "One of the Pharisees asked to eat with him (Jesus), and he went to the Pharisee's house and took his place at the table."
Proverbs 24:17 "Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles."
Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you."
Luke 23:34 "And Jesus sad 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
Monday, May 14, 2012
Learning to Forgive
I thought I was good at this. I thought I was the kind of person that let things slide off her back, that went with the flow and didn't turn bitter. Truth be told, I was a little proud of that--how I never let things get to me and didn't waste time holding grudges.
Whenever you feel proud of something, get ready to be tested on it.
Forgiveness is easy when it's someone I love. I don't have to give it a second thought. Love is worth it that way. You can mean the words "I forgive you" as soon as you say them. There's no question in my heart that nothing is too big to forgive when it comes to the elemental people in my life.
And I don't normally obsess over the random slight or wrongdoing of someone not really in my world much. At least not for very long. I usually end up finding the humor in it and looking at the offense through the sideways glance of sarcasm.
I don't get hurt easily, and I don't stay hurt for long.
Except in this one instance. This one nagging area.
How do you forgive a transgression when no apology is made? When there is no remorse for sins committed, no longing to make amends, no realization of how big the offense was? How do you forgive someone who isn't really sorry? Who isn't really in your world but made such a negative impact on it you think about it every single day?
I've been struggling with this for years now, and I'm ashamed to admit it. I am not now, nor have I ever been interested in bitterness. I've seen bitterness destroy families, churches, and lives. I don't want to keep dragging burdens around. I don't want the weight of the past to be slung over my shoulders.
Here's the thing. I know that if this person came to me seeking forgiveness, I would not hold back. I feel like if that moment (far fetched as it is) ever occurred, I would be so overwhelmed with amazement that there would be no room for withholding forgiveness. It would be a relief.
But having this attitude of forgiveness in a theoretical situation is not enough. It doesn't help battle the painful memories or the first impressions I will always have. I hate that my first, well, really, my every thought relating to this person is negative. I hate that I want them to know how much I hurt because of their sin. It seems so shallow and desperate. It makes me feel like I can't control myself or be a big enough person to truly rise above the offense and be loving.
I'm not the only one with a "perpetrator" as Beth Moore calls them. Pretty much all of us have been hurt along the way by someone, somehow. In fact, I've known people with much deeper hurts and scars from their perpetrators, and they seem able to rise above it. My situation really isn't that big of a deal, and the aftermath has been a spectacular display of God's love and grace and new beginnings and abundant life. It's so so so petty to still be battling these thoughts every single day, when things are so amazingly wonderful now.
Here's the raw truth: It's not about their sin anymore. It's about mine. It's so much easier to let the bitter thoughts swirl around freely. It feels justified. It feels comfortably uncomfortable. But it's not what God has called me to do. God wants me to love this person, this perpetrator, this stranger with the same love that forgives freely those who are close to me. God wants me to look at them with tenderness, compassion, a sweet spirit. God wants me to pray for them. God wants me to take every thought captive and speak truth to it.
God wants me to forgive what cannot be undone.
And here's the thing about a human forgiving another human. It's not a once and done deal. Every day, I need to pray for God to renew a right spirit within me toward this person. Because every day, I'm going to be tempted to think a negative thought about them. It's just a fact. I can't depend on my personality or time passing to take care of it. I have to depend on the grace of God.
And he has forgiven me so much. So much. I've hurt him far more than this person ever hurt me, yet he still looks on me with affection, kindness and love.
If I feel bound by this past transgression, it's because I'm wrapping the chains around my own feet. The only freedom is forgiveness.
Whenever you feel proud of something, get ready to be tested on it.
Forgiveness is easy when it's someone I love. I don't have to give it a second thought. Love is worth it that way. You can mean the words "I forgive you" as soon as you say them. There's no question in my heart that nothing is too big to forgive when it comes to the elemental people in my life.
And I don't normally obsess over the random slight or wrongdoing of someone not really in my world much. At least not for very long. I usually end up finding the humor in it and looking at the offense through the sideways glance of sarcasm.
I don't get hurt easily, and I don't stay hurt for long.
Except in this one instance. This one nagging area.
How do you forgive a transgression when no apology is made? When there is no remorse for sins committed, no longing to make amends, no realization of how big the offense was? How do you forgive someone who isn't really sorry? Who isn't really in your world but made such a negative impact on it you think about it every single day?
I've been struggling with this for years now, and I'm ashamed to admit it. I am not now, nor have I ever been interested in bitterness. I've seen bitterness destroy families, churches, and lives. I don't want to keep dragging burdens around. I don't want the weight of the past to be slung over my shoulders.
Here's the thing. I know that if this person came to me seeking forgiveness, I would not hold back. I feel like if that moment (far fetched as it is) ever occurred, I would be so overwhelmed with amazement that there would be no room for withholding forgiveness. It would be a relief.
But having this attitude of forgiveness in a theoretical situation is not enough. It doesn't help battle the painful memories or the first impressions I will always have. I hate that my first, well, really, my every thought relating to this person is negative. I hate that I want them to know how much I hurt because of their sin. It seems so shallow and desperate. It makes me feel like I can't control myself or be a big enough person to truly rise above the offense and be loving.
I'm not the only one with a "perpetrator" as Beth Moore calls them. Pretty much all of us have been hurt along the way by someone, somehow. In fact, I've known people with much deeper hurts and scars from their perpetrators, and they seem able to rise above it. My situation really isn't that big of a deal, and the aftermath has been a spectacular display of God's love and grace and new beginnings and abundant life. It's so so so petty to still be battling these thoughts every single day, when things are so amazingly wonderful now.
Here's the raw truth: It's not about their sin anymore. It's about mine. It's so much easier to let the bitter thoughts swirl around freely. It feels justified. It feels comfortably uncomfortable. But it's not what God has called me to do. God wants me to love this person, this perpetrator, this stranger with the same love that forgives freely those who are close to me. God wants me to look at them with tenderness, compassion, a sweet spirit. God wants me to pray for them. God wants me to take every thought captive and speak truth to it.
God wants me to forgive what cannot be undone.
And here's the thing about a human forgiving another human. It's not a once and done deal. Every day, I need to pray for God to renew a right spirit within me toward this person. Because every day, I'm going to be tempted to think a negative thought about them. It's just a fact. I can't depend on my personality or time passing to take care of it. I have to depend on the grace of God.
And he has forgiven me so much. So much. I've hurt him far more than this person ever hurt me, yet he still looks on me with affection, kindness and love.
If I feel bound by this past transgression, it's because I'm wrapping the chains around my own feet. The only freedom is forgiveness.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
May 2012 Ten on Ten
Morning Spongebob at the hotel.
Homegirl and Homegirl's twin.
Me turning 30.
Schenley Park in Pittsburgh.
Homegirl's Secret Service.
Playing in the park.
A bridge in West Virginia.
A well-timed tail flip.
The sky was super awesome today.
Dirty windshield.
Actually linked up this month!
Things I can no longer do now that I'm thirty:
1. Go to bed without taking off my makeup and moisturizing.
2. Paint all day without being sore.
3. Tease people about being old.
4. Eat whatever I want without my body saying "I'll just apply that to the excess in your midsection".
5. Wear mini skirts. (I gave up that one at about two years old.)
6. Get ready to go somewhere in five minutes.
Things I refuse to give up even though I'm thirty:
1. High heels.
2. Painting all day.
3. Reminding my sisters and husband that I'm younger than they are.
4. Chocolate.
5. Being carded.
6. Staying up too late.
1. Go to bed without taking off my makeup and moisturizing.
2. Paint all day without being sore.
3. Tease people about being old.
4. Eat whatever I want without my body saying "I'll just apply that to the excess in your midsection".
5. Wear mini skirts. (I gave up that one at about two years old.)
6. Get ready to go somewhere in five minutes.
Things I refuse to give up even though I'm thirty:
1. High heels.
2. Painting all day.
3. Reminding my sisters and husband that I'm younger than they are.
4. Chocolate.
5. Being carded.
6. Staying up too late.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
This week on Facebook...
I'm starting a new segment about all the amusing things I see on facebook. Because it condenses the things I want to blog about into one nice post. Facebook is constant blog fodder. So many opinions, ideas, hot air, egos, memes, and photos of dogs.
It's like a cesspool. But more offensive sometimes.
1. Everybody loves The Hunger Games. Except the people who hate The Hunger Games.
2. Dogs (and sometimes cats or small rodents) are awesomer than people.
3. Everybody's checking in while working out. Or eating clean. Or being crunchy.
4. In related news, everybody's hungry, cranky and has headaches.
5. People are growing up and graduating and being in college and making me feel old.
6. Parents are the worst thing to happen to kids since smallpox.
7. Couples love each other. Which isn't the same as "liking" each other.
8. Your status is my free advertising.
9. Jesus hates your music.
10. Obama's awesome and he will kill you.
P.S. Lest you think I'm immune from self-facebook-examination, here's my thrilling week in a nutshell: Seth is awesome. My children whine. Sickness. I'm a moron.
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